Don’t say we didn’t warn you — Effluvia: For migraines Side Effects: May result in unwholesome odors, profane outbursts and male-pattern baldness; other common side effects include dizziness, drowsiness and stomach ache. AttaMan: For male-pattern baldness Side Effects: Possibly significant rogaine and loss of muscle tone, along with a touch of dizziness, a scootch of drowsiness and…

How much DO you love us? — SAVE THE DATE!! Jen and James are Tying the Knot Saturday, December 28, 2030 LOCATION: TBD (By YOU!) We’re getting married, dear friends, and we couldn’t be more excited! We’ll begin our wedded life with you, our very closest buds, on Saturday, December 28, 2030. …

You won’t believe what you’ll be serving! — Greetings Vacation Bible School Snack Leader! We here at Lordy Lou Church Publishing are SO excited to have you and your crew on board for our “Fun with the Plagues!” Vacation Bible School (VBS) this summer. …

Setting the record straight! — To Our Valued Readers: In last Sunday’s Times-Examiner, journalist Jennifer Walters dug deep into the history of Miserabilia, PA for her emotional story, “Why Everyone in the Village of Miserabilia Is Dying of a Rare Disease Caused by Toxic Emissions from the Miserabilia Power Plant.” Since its publication, we have…

I didn’t see them, but here’s what they’re about! — Are the Academy Award nominations revealing how pathetically little you know about the year’s top films? Don’t be embarrassed! I didn’t see them either, but I’ve made some educated guesses. With my definitive guide, you’ll be “in the know” in no time flat. Belfast: A hooker (Jessica Chastain) with a…

Our numbers are getting a little close for comfort — Greetings, savvy lover of high quality writing! Wm. Shakespeare here, asking you to please go on Amazon and purchase my Complete Works as soon as possible. Reason I ask, I just looked at my stats, and while I am still in a comfortable lead (as of today) with two billion…

The serenity is well worth the sluggishness — You know the feeling. One morning you look in the bathroom mirror and realize your vibrant, youthful complexion has suddenly been replaced by the nightmare visage of a wizened old witch. …

Is that so much to ask? When kids sing “Old McDonald’s Farm” and make sounds like all the different animals, it’s lots of fun. Moo-moos and oink-oinks and woof-woofs all over the place, a chorus of joyful noise. But when a child suggests “On his farm he had a rabbit…

So we can stop burning Rick Steves travel guides for warmth — And that was of course the beloved Concerto for Glockenspiel and Kazoo, by Prussian composer Heimlich von Maneuver. If you’re just joining us, we’re right smack dab in the middle of the very first pledge drive of the morning. My name is Elise Seyfried, and I am proud to be…